Workin’ 9 to Fail

Obviously, corporate morality is surpassed only by corporate incompetence.

I bounce between a lot of temp gigs every year and what links them all is poor training. Open this program, upload these document scans, input them in this ancient system we haven’t updated since Bill Gates used a Speak&Spell. The mouse won’t even enter the field – MOUSE technology isn’t recognized! When was the last time you had to tab a dozen times to select an option? Were you fording a river on Oregon Trail?

*RETURN* You believe the situation is FUCKED.

With the technology comes the “trainer”. They are either:

  • A newly hired mousy girl-nerd with three weeks of seniority on you, and its your FIRST day. She knows enough company terms to confuse you but needs to make a 15-minute call to answer a third of your questions with “I’m … not … super … sure?” NOTHING is more confident than a statement that sounds like a question! Now lets mess up these files that will make sure we DESERVE our outsourcing! P.S., never ask her about those cat pictures on her desk.

OR

  • A section leader, who does the work of a team leader, manager and department head on the salary of an Arabian plum trader’s CAMEL. She’s a fashionably dressed skeleton woman that has traded love and family for a glass ceiling and sexual harassment or a frumpy lady working to support several kids and a husband who markets his music over Friendster. Your learning issues are 1/18th of her problems. Ramona’s patience with you is stretched as thin as the skin on her face or the elastic in her waistband. Beware when they POP!

"Haven't you DONE this kind of work before?"

Yes, LID-EEEY-AAAAH!

If I didn’t need the money, I’d count the years with mugs of stale coffee SPLASHED IN YOUR FACE!

But I do.

So is it a Control-Shift-F10 to call up the next file?

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