Fake Hero

The Internet is a great tool for transmitting ideas but has no control for the stupidity of the ideas it shares.

An example that strikes close to home for me is the movement to get a statue of Robocop put up in Detroit that started on Twitter. Mayor David Bing politely declined the idea but some citizens are determined to see it through mainly because “it would be cool”. The best reason to do anything when you’re city’s STRAPPED FOR CASH!

For those who don’t remember the twenty-five year old B-movie, duty-bound Irish-Catholic cop Alex Murphy breaks a justified police strike to continue to serve without guaranteed pay and minimal benefits. Future Detroit’s funds suffer from tax breaks given to keeping the OCP corporation invested in the city. On a patrol with his new lady partner, he is caught without back up and gets DISMEMBERED by shotguns. The father from That 70’s Show finishes him with a shot to the head.

Shoulda stayed on strike!

The story could end here with the lesson that police deserve full funding and support. Money for cocaine-fueled stripper parties in the mayoral mansion may be spent in more productive ways for the people of Detroit. Industrial interests SHOULD take a backseat to the common good. Unions are an important protection for citizen workers.

All these issues are ignored and the story continues.

Alex is resurrected by OCP as a corporate-owned law enforcement cyborg to be a slave scab robot-cop. Robocop, being Catholic, doesn’t take the greatly preferable option of suicide, unlike dozens of prototypes before him. Worse, he remembers his loving wife and son who are not about to give back whatever pension or pay out they got JUST to welcome back old toaster crotch!

"... FUCK!"

To say he’s half-man half-robot would be kind.  His female partner is sympathetic and cute, but his guy parts are in a landfill somewhere being fought over by seagulls! Instead of calling the ACLU, Murphy goes out for revenge! Not against OCP, but against the “real” enemy: crime.

Robocop inspires the cops to end the strike, arrests tons of bad guys (kills more), fights an bigger robot, kills the gang that killed him and discovers the corporate executive that backed them.

One problem. His hardwired orders include never bringing justice to the company that made him, which is behind a lot of the crime in this “futuristic” Detroit. AGAIN he’s screwed by OCP and can’t do what’s right! They literally OWN his metal-plated ass!

If only we could fill government with MORE robots that we own.

Luckily, this dick (aptly named Dick Jones) gets fired by the OCP head douche bag. The order no longer applies,  so Murphy can serve “justice” finally by filling him with more lead than an EXPLOITED police hero who is no longer human enough to shed tears for all he’s lost!

Alex Robocop Murphy goes on to kill HUNDREDS of poverty-driven criminals, fight a giant robot drug lord and a clan of ninjas over two more movies and a TV show. All under a lucrative contract for OCP.

The End.

You can see why this poor bastard IS an accurate symbol of Detroit.

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