If the national debt could be paid with semen, Mike Huckabee’s COLOSSAL balls would SAVE the U.S. Too bad the Bible prohibits masturbation; and China does NOT have a fertility problem. The governor has offered us other services to make up for this. His commitment to his warnings as strong as his hunger for … righteousness.

Mike boldly defended us Black folks from the Obama’s BLATANT faggetry! The President may allow the Defense of Marriage Act to be deemed unconstitutional. This is the same as catching the bride’s dildo bouquet at the first federally-sanctioned rump ranger reception in the basement of the new Church of Sodom. This is the greatest fear of African-Americans. Dr. King’s I Have a Dream speech pleas for a future “where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

“The boys are holding the girls’ hands, of course. I NEVER dream of queer shit.”

Huckabee warns us that President Obama might be … weird. He means that the half-Kenyan, half-English Harvard graduate named Barack might be a little different from Pete the bait shop owner. How the hell can this mulatto surfer relate to the common American? It’s not like he ever tours the country asking about their issues. He doesn’t work with elected representatives of citizens every FUCKIN’ day. Obama often drinks ox milk and ox blood after practicing Pencak Silat while listening to Esperanza Spalding!

The governor thinks Natalie “Don’t Pull Out” Portman is a bad role-model. Now, NO girl wants to ever fall in love with a fun and charming guy. Wives are divorcing their husbands and dividing their families for the sheer glamor of it. Remember in the early 2000’s when every Black girl in the hood was rocking the Queen Amidala kabuki-style make up? I’m afraid those girls might START getting pregnant before marriage because of Natalie – or start learning ballet.

Who would have thought a political leader that doesn’t believe in evolution could be so informative. Not me.

Still don’t.


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