Naughty Knowledge

If kids are old enough to observe Booty Appreciation Day, they’re old enough to learn of the result of messin’ with booty: SHIT … … … like STDs, birth control and other risks. The youth must PROtect themselves from LAPSES in judgment. They stand at the doorway to adulthood and blinding them to what lies beyond is as BAD as pushing them through before they’re ready.

Kindergarten play "Stand and Deliver"

In the UK, that hotbed of socialized medicine and crumpets, education councils are recommending questionable books to pre-teens according to Christian watchdogs. Should 5 year-olds read about mommies and daddies hugging so HARD they have a baby? What happens the next time you visit Grandma and she gives you a tight squeeze? Will you father an uncle or aunt? What a great way to train a weirdo.

Besides confusing wording, there are high standards being set. A passage from another book for kids reads, “Making love is like skipping. You can do it all day long.” I remember this time I skipped so much my feet were swollen and my shoes dried up.

Here in the American capitol of morals and decency, Texas, high school students are marching to have contraceptives included in their abstinence-heavy sexual education. Turns out that HALF of 15-19 year-olds in the state are having trouble abstaining … from parenthood. Condom use is hard to improvise when you’re using both hands to “hug”.

The season of Lent is here for the Christians, pro-“Just say no” folks. One purifies for 40 days by giving up their favorite things. Eventually, it ends and most will tend to binge. Fat Tuesday is everyday to a Texas teen, and more than jelly donuts are getting FILLED.

I don’t have children because the time hasn’t been right and I know how to do a money shot. A deep interest in science fiction TV, movies and tabletop role-playing games helps too. How do you say “Come back to my place” in Klingon? NO ONE knows.

Know your kids. Know their questions. Know how and when to answer them.

Know to keep them off this blog.


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