Lounging is Lethal

Bin Laden is dead; and these three days of relative safety were so tranquil. Now, the new threat to our lives: CHAIRS. Drug abuse, poor diet, stress or resting upon your buttocks, an act known on the streets as “sitting”, will KILL you.

Sitting Bull: Dead

The linked study shows that sitting more than 8 hrs will shave years off your life.  Since you stand up to shave, that’s less time spent sitting. Grow a beard and you may as well go out to the theater, Abe, because you’re your own JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

Nothing would make me happier than to stand at my work computer and bang out processed documents to burn extra calories like I’m playing a frantic meth-inspired symphony on the piano. Insurance policy enrollment: my PASSION.

Such joy taken in my work wouldn’t be taken for a manic episode. I wouldn’t be tasered by suburb cops. I’d just have to make sure to hit the floor, not fall back into my chair. Violent convulsions burn 8 calories per minute – like break dancing.

Of course I can’t stand on the job. Thankfully, I do get a chance to walk around on my breaks and lunchtime, when I’m not sitting in my car – SMOKING.

(This blog was posted while lying down.)


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