Stupid Genius

Dr. Stephen Hawking is the  Michael Jordan of Astrophysics, except he’s just as good a ball player as he was 20 years ago. In a recent interview, the famed author stepped … rolled out of bounds: “There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.” 

Imagine this being read by a circa 1981 Speak & Spell to get the full effect. As a former owner of this teaching tool, it pains me to believe my old Speak & Spell is slowly melting in Hell while flatly repeating “Forgive me, God. Arrrgh.” on an infinite programming loop of damnation. Fortunately, by “computers” the doctor is refering to the human mind.

From an atheist point of view, the reaction to this statement is a simple: “NO SHIT”. To intellectual agnostics such as myself, there is an apparent arrogance in this.

Science does not create the things it discovers. There were dinosaurs before we found their bones – unless miners have placed fake bones around the world for the past thousand years. Miners: greatest jokesters of all time!

We don’t know if there are advanced aliens buzzing around us. In thirty years, when Jaden Smith leads our rebellion against them like his father did, we’ll know for CERTAIN.

Heaven, being a metaphysical concept, can NOT be subject to science because its not a part of our universe. The planet Jupiter appears to be a ball of hydrogen and helium, but we haven’t proven that under the clouds there isn’t a giant ocean, made of zero-calorie low-carb organic orange, banana and strawberry sherbet mixture.

Given the sweet tooth of most Americans, NASA would be wise to raise this theory to get the biggest funding bump ever. “Jupiter’s red spot is three times the size of Earth and our instruments say … it’s WATERMELON!”

Reasonable people can only say the sherbet ocean is HIGHLY unlikely, even less likely than the odds of Dr. Hawking being calmly strangled by President Obama.

I don’t believe in the clouds and harps idea: Welcome to Heaven; here are your wings; the church service is in progress and lets out a quarter past eternity. I do believe that there’s some things beyond my understanding – like Rebecca Black’s calender.


3 Responses to “Stupid Genius”

  1. I appreciate this. Thank you.

  2. Sshh!! Don’t tell anyone. 😉

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