Bored Games

“Extreme lying down” is a funny phrase because it’s ABSURD. How do you wildly do the most passive act possible? Thanks to high unemployment, low cost cameras and hipster irony; there is a much UNNEEDED answer: PLANKING. 

According to Wasting Your Life 101, planking is “accomplished” by laying face down with your back straight, your arms straight at your sides and your legs together and straight. In addition, the maneuver must be captured  for internet display. It’s like a horizontal version the military Attention position, although 87% of plankers have NEVER done anything as productive as national service.

There has been some debate that this … (exercise?) derives from SLAVERY.  As with most sports, Black people may have an unfair historical advantage in planking, because we were stacked up in the position for months on the ships. I DEEPLY resent the implications of this theory. Suggesting that we come from CHEATERS that needed chains and shackles to plank, is RACIST!

Our ancestors would be proud.

In the day I’ve known of this, I’ve seen some cheap plankin’. Go on a fulcrum, go bridge, go perpendicular, or GO HOME! Building core strength is the ONLY redeeming feature of this practice. If the surface is wide and supports your length, you need to be BEATEN with an actual plank. In death, you may even achieve new levels of plank perfection.


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