Hugh Hefner’s Blonde Belt

Rich people have rich people toys. I imagine Hugh Hefner’s favorite is some kind of Male-Enhancement belt. It pumps a Viagra/Bull Elephant Hormone cocktail through him and HIJACKS blood from other parts of his corpse to the crotch, giving him the sexual prowess of a sixty year old. The light-headed side effect explaining his DELLUSIONAL desire to marry women without a TRULY SICK attraction for old horny Uncle Hugh.

“Sweetie, is my heart beating?”

Chickadee in the pic with the mummy pimp is twenty-five year old Crystal Harris. She’s a sexy centerfold, human woman, hat wearer and eye candy. Generic blonde #674 broke off her seven month engagement to Hefner in the middle of June.

I guess the reason to be either her whole relationship with “sexy” grandpa was a publicity grab (a BRAND NEW marketing tactic) or she learned the definition of “MARRIAGE”.  Reading IS fundamental – IF you know what that f-word means.

To add insult to ELDERLY, Harris in a recent interview said that sex with Hef lasted “two seconds”. Lady Female witnesses to this erotic MIRACLE spoke out in defense of the old fuck.

I BELIEVE them. Assuming Hef’s technique isn’t covering girls in tapioca and lapping them to climax, the belt must take a minute to power up, 15 minutes to generate an erection and a few more to hook up COMATOSE Casanova to life support equipment.

This aint planking. Its practice.

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