London Everything is Falling Down

Anyone who’s seen A Clockwork Orange like me isn’t surprised by the London Riots. These blokes have always fancied a bit of the olde ULTRA-VIOLENCE. Last week thousands did a tad of the olde IN-OUT-IN-OUT, into boutiques and out with an ace fit pair of dungarees, as store clerks politely stood aside to avoid a KERFUFFLE.

Its been reported that SIX HUNDRED have been charged for violence, looting and general BARMY BEASTLINESS. Seventeen hundred have been arrested, keeping courts open 24/7. Dementors were released to control the crowd and were effective in robbing looters of the joy of their plunder. Still, Azkaban prison will be lodging muggles for the first time and is estimated to become overcrowded in a fortnight.

This was all sparked by the shooting death of Mark Duggan, whom was suspected of carrying a gun to avenge the stabbing of a rapper cousin. US law enforcement experts believe this was the CRUCIAL mistake. 

“The Brits seek to prevent street crime rather than let Blacks handle it themselves. Then, they could leave murders frighteningly unsolved and claim to need more funding,” NO ONE publicly said.

The motivation to right this murder was OF COURSE lost in the rioting. Looters were heard blaming their outrage on anything. Some blame the increasing decline in the quality of crumpets – and the unavailability of organic brands. Others have decried the switch from geek hottie Dr. Who David Tennant to FUGLY CHANGELING Matt Smith.


One Response to “London Everything is Falling Down”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Fuck. You. Matt Smith is sexy. You’re a fugly changeling.

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